Saturday Confession: I Surrendered the Fake and Got Real

Apparently God’s got a theme for the season and it isn’t raking leaves and turkeys.

It’s fake vs real.

Masking vs transparency.

Prison vs freedom.

Not long ago I posted about My Fake Family.

After that went live people started to comment about my necklace. I’d clutch it and blurt, “It’s fake. It’s a knock-off of Origami Owl. I paid $20 and that includes the chain and four charms.”

And no one could tell the difference.

Including one woman who bought the original at three figures and wasn’t happy with her deficit.

I’ve done the same with the ring I wear on my wedding finger. My original wedding rings are packed somewhere because they don’t fit and I really struggled with them. At the time I was so low in self worth I didn’t want a ring. I didn’t feel that I should have one. As we married and grew in size and faith, the rings didn’t fit and I still didn’t feel right about them. It was the old me that had those rings.

The ring I wear now is from our anniversary cruise to Mexico. To me it represents the real me, a daughter of the Lord who has fought hard for everything we have. I don’t mean things, I mean prayers. Life’s battles. And to be at fifteen years (at the time) and not only still married but growing closer, that was cause for victory.

Hello, cruise jewelry sale.

My husband is mortified at what he paid for that ring. I mean it was under $100  $50  $45. It’s Mexican gold, I think, and I don’t care. It’s a sparkly thing with as much sass as I have. Surrounding it are 14 small diamonds. Add them up and you get 15 for our anniversary.

When I take care of it and remember to wear it, it looks like the real deal and again, I can’t help but blurt it out. “It’s fake.”

Something changed a couple weeks ago. I blurted, “It’s fake. But I’m real.”

And then the Holy Spirit download began.

That answer wasn’t always the case. I lied through my teeth, in church, especially in church, telling everyone I was fine. I wasn’t. I was wounded, lost and in desperate need of a spiritual and emotional healing. It didn’t come until I surrendered the fake and got real.

I can’t speak for the guys but us women, it’s a temptation. The name brand purse. Top of the line shoes. Fancy jewelry.

The lies we tell when asked how we are. The mail we hide because it exposes the sham of a perfect home. How? It probably contains bills we can’t pay. Legal documents ending what we pretend is the best thing in our circle. School letters spelling out what we don’t want to face.

It made me think of reality celebrities. Everything Kim Kardashian wears to an event is probably top notch, name brand, real stuff. But let’s be honest–she’s a reality star on a show. Sorry, but the show is scripted. Sorry again, her life is scripted. Not much about her is real. And I don’t envy her.

For this topic to come up again gives me the inkling someone out there read the first post about the fake family and shoved their issues further away praying that nudge was anything but the Godly hey, let’s work on this they deep down know was happening. Well, this post is for you.

Not to condemn you.

But to encourage you.

I was the queen of masking. I know all the pat answers, sincere expressions and token cliches. I also know how hollow I felt living that way.

Surrendering the fake answers, phony lifestyle and pretend happiness was one of the best things I’ve ever chosen for my life and the people who love me. There is a freedom I promise you money can’t buy or people can’t get for you. It’s for you to decide.

Don’t let my shiny fake jewelry be what gets you to confront whatever it is God’s trying to help and heal you with.

Let my real love for you and the prayer I lifted up writing this be that instead.

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