Saturday Confession: Remembering My Fake Family

Years ago my mom bought me a bag similar to this. At the time I had a school-age child and a baby with chronic illness and special needs. I’d look at the bag and kick myself for not putting in the real pictures of my family but it wasn’t on the top of my priorities was.

Surviving the season was.

But the bag itself was great. It was big enough to serve as a purse and diaper bag.

So, I brought it to church.

We were fairly new to the area so when I brought the bag out in public, people would look at the pictures and comment. Questions like how old was my dog? When did we take the kids to a lake? Is that my college graduation picture? Who’s the baby, the youngest, or the oldest?

Without thinking I’d blurt, “Neither. These pictures are of my fake family.” Then I’d explain I’d yet to replace the pictures that came with the bag. These are models, right down to the dog.

This happened week after week. I realized also week-to-week came another discussion at church.

Ladies, trying to get to know me better and generally be nice would ask how I was doing.

And I’d reply with a smile that I was good. “I”m good, how are you?” It was my auto reply, and a straight out lie.

In church.

And then I’d look at my bag and my fake family. The bag became a reminder. Just because I carried around my fake family didn’t mean I needed a fake answer, especially at church.

Because the truth was I was falling apart. Had there been real pictures in that bag, I would have been spiritually, mentally and emotionally drowning. The photos would have been full of tears, sickness, death and transition that turned each one of us upside down.

But few people want to hear about that.

So we say we’re fine.

And it’s fake.

This is an old confession and thankfully one I surrendered long ago. I don’t share every stubbed toe or split end but if you ask how I’m doing and the reality is I’m stressed, I’ll share that. Most of the time I’m able to say how I’m growing through it or a blessing that’s in it. I never did put real pictures in that bag. I loved the message my fake family reminded me to be.

If you’re a Sunday tote bag person smiling and saying all is well when it’s not, now is a great time to turn it around. Be transparent. Because fake doesn’t work on a totebag, and it sure doesn’t work in church and life.

I decided to share this because earlier this week I read a tremendous article by Holly Hrywnak regarding why teens leave the church. Part of how we can stop the bleed? Ditch the fake totebag called masking.

It’s worth being transparent.

Even on a day when you limp into church and admit it’s a crappy morning.

And wonder if it’s okay to say crap in church.

Then realize it’s too late.

And know no matter how bad you’ve messed it up, Jesus is carrying around a real picture of you in His totebag.

And loves it.

Loves YOU.

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