Thankful: Sifting Gold by Holly Hrywnak

It’s be one of those years.

Ya’ll know what I mean by that. A season marked with tears, struggle, heartache, frustration and bills. Lots and lots of bills without the lots and lots of money to go with it.

One year ago, I found myself in the hospital for a 6-day stay without insurance. I kept telling Jesus a funeral would have been cheaper and He laughed at the snarkiness.

I celebrated my 30th birthday, which was a difficult milestone to embrace with joy. By this time in my life, I had so many other plans. Plans involving a husband and some children, but the only bed companion I have are the four pillows I surround myself with.

My car decided it was hungry and drained my savings account, which I had painstakingly filled by working side jobs for extra cash. All of the money gone and my check engine light still on.

It seemed like I’d get over one mountain and start thinking things were getting better to find myself at the foot of another mountain. At times, I’d laugh out of sheer tiredness. “Really, God?! You’ve got to be kidding me.”

I’d like to say I was the perfect daughter through the trials. Smiling and waving like some beauty pageant winner, but that’s far from the truth. There were times I acted like a tired, hungry toddler throwing a tantrum– flailing limbs and everything. Or I’d give the eye rolls, the heavy sighs and the passive aggressive silence. Woven between were moments of resigned trust.

“Fine, God. I’m trusting you. You’ve brought me through before– I believe you can do it again.”

It’s hard to look back at this season and not cringe let alone be thankful for it, but I am. Not in the everything is rainbows and butterflies type way, but in the I’m going to cross this finish line even if I’m bloodied and broken.

Here I am in the midst of all this struggle and Jesus brings me to Luke 22:31-32 which reads, “And the Lord said,’Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.’” This certainly does feel like I’m being sifted.

And then God reminded me of something. When people pan for gold they scoop up some sediment and shake their pans back and forth as a way to separate the gold from the other rocks. There’s a sifting that needs to take place in order to find the gold. God’s ok with the sifting because where the enemy may be sifting in order to point out all our crap, God is looking for the gold.

A gold He plans on refining through the fire. God will always, if we let Him, take our circumstances to make us more beautiful. That’s what I want. For these moments to produce a strength in me and to separate out anything that needs to go. Where the enemy wants to point out my shortcomings, I want God’s glory to be highlighted.

It won’t be easy or even painless, but it’ll be worth it. It’s always worth it. So, I just began to thank Him. I thanked Him that even though this season has shaken me up it has also produced a deeper more beautiful faith. One that continues to be tested, but that clings to a lovely Savior who won’t allow me to be consumed.

Holly Hrywnak is a 30-year-old writer who strives to share honestly and transparently in hopes that it will encourage others to be open about their own struggles and lessons learned. She’s been accused of being sassy, which she finds to be an admirable attribute. Her favorite things include: making people laugh, chocolate, sweatshirt weather and authentic conversations over coffee. One day she hopes to find herself a bearded lumberjack to call her own. You can find more of her writing at www.thecommonqueen.com 

Please Follow & Like