Choking and Refusing Help

For the last week or so, I’ve shared a couple images regarding my prayer time as I dive deeper not only in my faith, but in finding healing from things I stuffed or wasn’t aware affected me.

This word picture is more of I think a general warning. It hasn’t gone away, so when that happens, I take it seriously.

I can see someone choking. I don’t know if it is someone I know or if it represents humanity in general, but the person is choking.

And Jesus is behind them, holding their waist, trying to perform the Heimlich.

And the person says no.

NO.

I mean, that makes no sense, right?

I’ve had food go down the wrong way to the point of panicking thinking I am going to have to alert someone and I wanted help. I know people who have choked to death. The mere thought of help being offered and refused, I can’t process that.

But then it hits me, I’ve done as much when it comes to God healing something in my life that was too close, too soon, too much, and I brushed Him off.

No thanks, I’m good.

Sometimes I knew I wasn’t in a good place but I just didn’t want to deal. I was scared of what was around the corner that I could not see. So it was more of a “Hey, maybe tomorrow?”

Can you imagine choking and gesturing to the person trying to save you, not now? 

It’s a powerful image. Like I wrote recently, I don’t know what this all looks like between point a and b. In prayer I did receive the simple reply that the “gutting” was taking place so my light could shine. Simple answer. Not a simple process.

I know I’m supposed to and have been journaling. Memories are coming back I long forgot about or shelved way, way back in hopes they’d fall to an abyss I’d never encounter.  I’m not even done. I haven’t surrendered it all because I haven’t confronted it all. I have found surprises along the way. Not fun ones, but ones I believe have purpose.

It has been a hard time. I have done this privately and most people, some even in the most intimate circles of my life, have no clue what God is doing, what I’m feeling, or the very core of hurt I’ve found myself clawing out of. It has exhausted me, brought out some ugly, and returned my confidence at times to a time where I felt good for nothing. But this time is different. I know I am not alone, and that it has purpose. That helps. 

I’d like to think I’m at a place where I’m not choking anymore, and I let Jesus take care of me. But that image isn’t going away, and I felt I was meant to share it. If God is stirring something in you that you sense is going to be a hard place to visit, but a necessary one, don’t fight it. There truly is freedom in Christ when you surrender.

And there is truly death when you refuse help and you are choking.