I Say I Love You Now

I guess the whole story is I say I love you now, kind of.

Let me back up.

I grew up a Gen X kid with Silent Generation parents. They were taught not to have feelings or dare you have them, don’t you even go and express them. For someone younger, that probably makes no sense. That was how many of us my age were raised.

We didn’t hear “I love you” and in my case, we didn’t say it. It just wasn’t done, and when my mom realized what a horrific void it left amongst us, I was cemented as the emotionless robot.

If you know my last name, you realize I married an Italian family. I know it’s a stereotype, but Italians are known to be affectionate. I remember someone asking my husband about me. After all, my family doesn’t hug. Or anything.

I figured once I married, saying I love you would be natural. I certainly felt it, why not express it with words? Still, I struggled. The longer we stayed married, the more my effort to say it dwindled. I certainly show my love, and I text it and write it in all our cards, but say it? I have failed.

I wish I could tell you I made up for it as a parent. It was a case of my kids parenting me. They said I love you so naturally and often it became a habit. One I always wanted. And there it was.

Still, I dreamed it would become my thing. That I wouldn’t be so stiff at expressing myself. Oh, my face tells you how I feel, and I sure can write how much I love someone, but to say it? Those three words?

Last year I joined the Facebook group, Sister I am with You. My people. Friendships are hard. I’m an introvert. I’m weird. I have the most middle school sense of humor but you want to pray? I will join in and we are going to pray DOWN. That makes it hard to have friends. In 2023 I had to take stock and realized I had work to do.

As I prayed about making deep friendships with like-minded women, God was faithful. He developed some existing friendships, and brought someone back who years before I had not known that well. This time around we are meeting for Bible study. We’ve formed a group with the others for serious prayer for our area and the people we love.

And we say “I love you.”

Who knew I was capable? With this group it has become natural and often.

So I say I love you now. Kind of.

I have mountains to climb in this area. My husband deserves to hear it every day, more than once. Same with the kids. But my girls, local and via Marco Polo, I’m saying it! I’m saying it!

Happy Dance!

How about you? Is it easy for you to verbalize your love for someone?

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