Saturday Confession: That Time I Sobbed at the Movies

The title doesn’t read, “That One Time” because I’ve sobbed more than once. Funny thing is, they aren’t the movies you’d think of.

• I laughed during ET because my mom was crying (I was 12 and obnoxious.)
• I cackled during The Guardian
• I made smart comments during Steel Magnolias

I have cried during movies like:

• Toy Story 3
• Titanic

But the sobbing experiences in movies often comes when I least expect it and it’s a download from the Holy Spirit. I know you would think it would come from a spiritual experience but not so much.

• Spiderman 3, which wasn’t my favorite, but the download was “this is what unforgiveness looks like.”
• Evan Almighty, this is ridiculous faith and He loves watching it in His kids.

But that one time came back to me this week. I was a red-faced, dripping snot mess. I wasn’t prepared because it was an action movie.

It was Superman, Man of Steel.

I know.

It wasn’t the suit reveal or taking down the bad guys. It wasn’t coming home to Ma and Pa Kent or dealing with Perry at The Daily Planet.

It was when he was Clark Kent as a child and he knew he was different. He’s at school and locks himself in the closet as the kids whisper. The loneliness of the moment where Clark understands he’s in this world but not of it, I nearly doubled over from the spiritual impact.

Do I align myself with the theory I’m Superman?

No.

But did I have “a moment” understanding as a Christ follower I’m committed to surrendering and being obedient to whatever He asks me to do and as free as it feels.,

It’s lonely.

Aching, agonizing, locked in the closet while kids whisper lonely.

The few people I know who live this way, we call it the “Pioneer Spirit” or “modern day John the Baptists.” I often say I am a member of Rudolph’s “Misfit Island.” Beyond being a Christian, I often struggle fitting in with fellow believers.

I can see the potential in them, something God shows me, long before they see it or believe it.

I follow through when I feel I’m supposed to do something. Go to a person and ask if I can pray for them. Lead a group of children in a prayer time until we sense a breakthrough. Sending a card to a stranger with a specific encouragement.

Few get it. There are whispers, I’ve heard them. There’s been the avoidance and shunning, too.

Then there is the Superman moment when things come together, they see lives changed and the world impacted, and they want to be part of that circle. Until it’s time to move forward in faith.

And they pat me on the shoulder and announce they’d rather watch me and stay right where they are at.

For all those reasons, I didn’t just cry in that scene, or for the love between father and son between Clark and Jonathan, I sobbed. It drained me. And those are often my experiences with downloads from the Holy Spirit.

I grabbed some napkins and cleaned myself up the best I could and knew deep down no one would understand, not even my husband who sat there watching his wife come undone during a superhero movie.

This week  winter has felt lonely. It’s been a brutal weather month where isolation is a given. I’ve been alone more as my husband’s work schedule accelerated and it gets old when for hours, and even days on end, the most interaction I’ve had is with the dogs.

But it’s been a year that I know for me is a theme of “revive,” with a call from above to be a literal scribe. Share what I’m learning. Cheer for anyone willing to join me. Put myself out there more than I’m used to or comfortable with.

Because at the end of the day, the crowds at the functions leave. Everyone goes to bed and my mind churns with things to do, people in need, and plans to be a vessel God would use to move His Kingdom forward.

And for that last item—that’s worth sobbing about.

Even locked in a closet when the world around you is whispering.

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