Character Confession: The Drop Dead Notebook
Years ago when I was in the traditional working world my boss encouraged us to create a “drop dead notebook.” It was filled with information regarding our position that if the worst happened and we dropped dead–well, someone could step in and do the job. After grieving my loss, of course.
I’ve kept a semi-updated home version of this notebook. What bills I pay/when, passwords, who I partner with and how to contact them writing wise, medical and educational info on the kids. It’s a good idea I suggest everyone have on hand just in case.
This year though, I took the drop dead notebook too far.
I went away last week as a belated birthday present from my husband. I traveled to Williston, Vermont, near Burlington for intense editing and rest. Mid week I had a moment with God where He brought to mind my drop dead notebook.
I updated it before leaving and it smacks desperation.
I didn’t just leave passwords, I left pathos. My burned-out self bled out on the pages.
And I’m sure God had a good laugh at that piece of writing that went from helpful instruction to desperate preaching.
But in the middle of the laugh was a teachable experience. I was so burned out, tired, frazzled and so done that I became desperate.
My survival mode wasn’t looking forward to the vacation. I confess it was believing I most likely wouldn’t return due to some accident that would surely kill me. I was so out of it I drafted my death, certain I fulfilled everything God purposed for my life.
I wasn’t suicidal, I was delusional out of exhaustion. I wrote a novel out of that drop dead notebook sharing my own eulogy because I figured there was no turning back. I wrote tired things a tired person would write.
But shouldn’t.
Not everyone has the opportunity to get away for a week and I totally understand that. But if you feel so desperate from exhaustion you get through the day by visualizing running away, you need a break. If, like me, you’re picturing yourself in a fatal accident as a woe-is-my-family that you write out sad details—you need to run to God’s arms and stay there.
What straightened me out and gave me the ability to laugh at my self-centeredness and drama was rest and focused time with God. When the kids were younger I learned from Mothers in Preschoolers that recreation is re-creating yourself. You’re no good to your family if your life represents a stomped on juice box. Form a group with other moms where you trade off taking care of kids so a mom can have a day to herself. If you have points available, look into a hotel stay close by where it’s you away for a night. Ask your husband to care for the kids while you go somewhere private for hours on end. Let grandma have the kids for a weekend.
There is a solution, and you’re worth taking the time to figure out a sane plan.
Just make sure you erase the novel you created in your exhaustion that you called the revised drop dead notebook.
