Character Confession: I Swear to God
That title gets you, doesn’t it?
If you have no room for God and feel negative about Him, you’re probably loving the title.
If you’re a religious person, the title most likely offends.
Welcome to all of you.
Obviously what I’m about to share isn’t in the Bible as a commandment. It’s also not a green light on my part to approach God with profanity and irreverence.
But my confession is since 2001, when I go to God, I go to Him real.
I was angry bitter about a miscarriage, again that injustice thing for me, and couldn’t get past the fact that I lost a child I desperately wanted when I’d walk by “parents” at Wal*Mart using the “f” word not only in front of their kids, they were talking about and to their kids. I was consumed by this.
I was blessed enough to have a friend who cared enough to invite me to her home. She set the ground rules. I had 45 minutes to utter every thing on my heart. No pretty words, no masks, just get it out. And I did. I couldn’t believe the words flowing out of me that came from a wounded heart regenerating in bitterness. She promised if I was angry at God, say so. His shoulders were broad enough to take it, and He knows anyway. But get it out so the enemy of my soul can’t hold the angry at God card over my head. So I did.
When all was said and done, she announced it was now time to confess. Ask for His help to walk away from those feels and words. Then praise Him because He not only forgave me, He chose to forget. I can move forward and not be bound by my feelings or thoughts of guilt, shame, or with His help, not stay in the cycle of recycling those negative feelings.
That last part was crucial. She didn’t allow me to be so real and raw for entertainment, it was for redemption.
Since that day, I’ve never had a problem being real with my Heavenly Father. I don’t let loose a string of words you’d hear on, well pretty much any channel on TV these days. But if I’m mad, I say so and why. When I have those deep wounds where raw words bounce around my mind like those gumball balls, they need to come out. But it’s crucial I take step two and confess/repent/praise/and move on.
What happens when I get real with God? He heals me, and there is freedom to overcome what was holding me back. There is no pretense or fakeness with me. What you see is what you get, and it’s the same with God. I don’t have Julie at church persona vs Julie at a restaurant, etc…there are no masks. It’s the most freeing thing, to be consistently cleaned out of the garbage I take in with my thoughts and circumstances, and my own sin.
So for those that came here because the title amused you, I’m not about irreverence, I’m about authenticity and intimacy with the Lord. For the religious, unpry the grip you have on rules and pursue a relationship with Christ. Close relationships have conflict and say harsh things. But they also ask forgiveness and receive it. Religious people tend to wear a lot of masks and it limits you. I know.
That’s my confession. I get real with God. I seek Him and pour out what’s residing in the darkest places of my heart. And thanks to confession and forgiveness, I have no shame.
