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Saturday Confession: Waiting on Medicine

Posted by Julie on October 19, 2013 in encouragement, Julie Arduini, Life Lessons, Saturday Confession, surrender |

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Ah, Saturday confession.

The day where I share something I’m learning about myself, or recently mastered, and feel it’s time to share.

So if that’s your issue, you don’t feel so alone.

What’s new is that you’re welcome to link up.

If you have a confession, share it.

Let’s kick isolation to the curb once and for all.

While I have you, I have some slots left for next month’s thankful submissions. 

I hand my blog over to you and you share why you are thankful. As always, the posts are amazing.

Inspiring. Challenging.

Send your thoughts. As little as a few sentences and as much as 750 words to juliearduini@juliearduini.com

with a bio and optional picture, signing off as you want to be known (first name, full, anonymous.)

First come, first serve, and I reserve the right to edit, but rarely do.

Thanks!

***

When I feel healthy, I’m a dynamo. I can maintain many schedules and logistics. Pay bills. Laundry.

Make meals, shuttle children. Write. Minister. Encourage. Laugh. Chat. Rest. Start over.

It took decades to realize and have doctors diagnose that until I’m healed or otherwise with the Lord, I need medicine to feel that way.

It’s hormonal imbalance with menopause. For years it was also PCOS, but a hysterectomy took care of that.

My insurance now has us ordering from mail express, and I refilled late.

The medicine hasn’t arrived.

I did what I years ago didn’t dare to do.

I warned everyone.

I’ve pictured myself clinging to Jesus, just wrapped around His neck, sitting on His lap, wanting nothing but His safety and comfort.

Because for me, I have radical temperature changes. Forget surges.

Constant hunger.

Sleeplessness.

Anxiety with irrational thoughts.

Forgetfulness.

And then the tears.

The tears started Wednesday, and I used to have such shame, because there wasn’t a real reason for them.

This time I tried to look at my schedule one event at a time, dig deep, and move forward.

anxiety

When the tears came, I wiped them with my sleeve and kept going.

I’ve longed for it not to be busy, but it is what it is. The kids are off until Monday.

It’s a full schedule.

The youngest had so many medical appointments. The last including needing 4 vials of blood and a sample taken. She was done. Me too. Usually I can have my strong face on for her. But as soon as we were done, I was blinking tears away.

Hours later I couldn’t remember the name of the heat box in the family room. Yeah, the thermostat.

Then I started to get teary when my husband let me know what he thinks of Pepperjack Cheez It’s. I bought the wrong cheese. I wanted to lash out and justify my attempt. But I knew insecurity would have been talking, and that’s best left until better days.

But I’m getting through.

Thriving? No. But compared to other times, it’s not horrible.

I’ve talked about this kind of thing before, but I promised to be real, surrendered or surrendering,

and I felt like someone out there is going to feel less alone with me sharing.

If hormonal imbalance is your issue, chuck the shame. You’re too amazing to wear such a dud.

Be open, within reason, and stay in touch with your doctor. It might take tweaking. It has for me.

Don’t let a religious person bring you down. I am a straight up Jesus girl with faith in Him big enough to believe for a resurrection if God asked me to pray for one.

It’s okay to take medicine if that is where God directs you.

And it’s okay to keep believing for a supernatural healing while you wait.

But doing nothing, or letting the emotions control you, don’t.

Just don’t.

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Character Confession: The Heat is On and So is the Central Air

Posted by Julie on May 28, 2011 in About Me, encouragement, Julie Arduini, Life Lessons, surrender |

It’s my Character Confession day! I tell you how I’m really feeling and hopefully it is an encouragement or smile to someone who can relate.

I’ve made no secret about it so in case you missed it, I’m 41 and in full blown menopause. I’ve had hormonal issues since puberty and I can tolerate quite a bit of discomfort and pain. I’ve been there and done that.

Menopause can be a ruthless competitor.  Sleep for 10 minutes at a clip? Bring it.  Starving, I mean STARVING nearly all the time? I’m holding my own. Crying Sobbing over everything? Exhausting but I can take it.  The heat?  That’s where I wave the white flag of surrender.

And then put my arms down because the smell has to be bad.

In the last month my hot flashes have morphed into full body water works. I can walk from my bedroom upstairs to the coffee maker downstairs and have not just a little heat but a full body blush that even makes the back of my hair sweat. My face turns not just pink but tomato red and then stays that way. For hours. I’m getting looks from people who must be wondering how out of shape am I to just take a few steps and be in a complete sweat?

This is such a huge switch because my husband married someone whose teeth chattered without mercy when it was below 50. These days I’m turning on fans, hanging out windows and freezing my hotblooded man out of the bedroom. I not only have the ceiling fan on, I also have an industrial fan on that sounds like a jet ready to take off. I know without a doubt with weather this weekend heading to the nineties I’ll have the central air on before noon.

My doctor is on it and Tuesday we meet again to discuss. He’s doubled my medicine and although that relieved a lot of symptoms, the heat is still on.

I’ve been through enough that I’m pretty blunt with my family telling them what’s going on instead of hiding in shame like I used to. If I see someone looking at my red face and layers of perspiration I’ll be clear what’s going on. I carry deodrant and perfume with me.

And I laugh.

Because if you’re dealing with this too, laughing is so much better than tears.  It’s a change of life, not death, and I refuse to let this own me.

How about you?



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