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Guest Blogger Carla Anne Coroy: Emotions of a Married Mom, Solo Parent

Posted by Julie on October 21, 2011 in About Me, encouragement, God's Word, Julie Arduini, Life Lessons, surrender |

Emotions of the Married, Single Mom

 

A recent survey done by TheBump.com and ForbesWoman.com reveals that between 25% and 65% of both working and stay-at-home moms sometimes feel like married single moms. Reading the responses to this report and comments on blogs, it is quite clear that emotions run high. The deeply felt emotions these women deal with may have been birthed in an unequal distribution of chores, however as time goes on these emotions reveal there is something more significant going on. It’s no longer just about the chores. The emotions reveal cracks in fabric of the relationship. These emotions – loneliness, anger, jealousy, grief, etc – can have a profound impact on a married single mom and her marriage.

 

No girl grows up dreaming of a marriage where she feels abandoned by her man. Perhaps his job pulls him away from home for days, weeks or months at a time. Maybe he is gaming his time away, or drinking away the possibility of an intimate relationship. Regardless of why husbands are absent (or uninvolved), their wives experience a roller-coaster of emotions that can wreck havoc and disaster within their marriage.

 

Loneliness is a painful wound many married single moms quietly carry every day. Companionship and conversation are critical components of a happy marriage. When this isn’t available, a wife feels lonely and separated from her husband.

 

Disney Princesses trained us for ‘happily ever after’, but when Prince Charming doesn’t come home our hearts ache for our unmet expectations. Those unmet expectations become dashed dreams that may never be fulfilled and need to be grieved. There is a deep sense of loss and often questions and fears about what the future will hold.

 

Fear also raises its ugly head in other ways. She wonders about his activities. She worries about his safety and health. Concern for her kids becomes paramount. She becomes insecure in her role as a wife and mother. Insecurity in her marriage, in her purpose, and in her belief system begins to erode her confidence. Married single moms wonder if they still have what it takes to attract their husband’s love and attention.

 

It doesn’t take long for the twinges of insecurity to grow into soul-shaking jealousy. Husbands who are home every evening, who co-parent their children and date their wives become objects of comparison. Watching a husband and wife deep in intimate conversation can ignite a spark of jealousy.  This envy can become a consuming fire tearing down whatever good might exist in her marriage.

 

Then shame sets in. When others question her situation, it validates her pain and points out the failure she feels. She’s embarrassed about her husband’s choices, often feeling she must make excuses for him. Blog comments regarding married single moms contain some deeply wounding words that cast blame on her because she chose to marry and stay with him.

 

For many, this growing burden of emotional pain becomes a cancer deep in the heart. All the emotional pain is fashioned into a sharpened sword called anger. They are angry with their husband’s choices. Angry about living married life alone. Angry about how Daddy’s absence affects the kids. Angry about everything.

 

There is so much grief that fills the heart of a married single mom. She’s said good-bye to dreams for herself and her children. She’s sad about the hours, days, and special moments that will never happen. She needs to grieve the what-if’s and the dreams she had as a bride. This grief needs to be addressed. Grieving our dreams includes being honest about those dreams, realizing they may never be fulfilled, and asking God for new dreams firmly planted in reality and truth.

Married single moms are not a new phenomenon. I have lived this life and many others have, too. We even find examples of married single moms throughout the Old and New Testaments. We can no longer avoid reality – married single moms are prevalent and their situations and burdens are real. But how have they survived and even thrived? Through the strength God provides. Through Christian community. Through the healing of wounded hearts. Through the hope provided by Jesus Christ.

Carla Anne Coroy runs the Married Single Mom blog at www.carlaannecoroy.blogspot.com. She speaks regularly and serves as a staff writer for an online Christian women’s magazine Mentoring Moments for Christian Women. Carla Anne lives in Canada with her husband and four homeschooled children. For more information, visit www.carlaanne.com.

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Book Review: Carla Anne Coroy’s Married Mom, Solo Parent

Posted by Julie on October 11, 2011 in About Me, Book Review, encouragement, God's Word, Julie Arduini, Life Lessons, surrender, Writing |

This is a first, but I hope not a last. I have the opportunity to tell you about a book where the subject matter is real to me, and so is the author. Carla Anne Coroy is a woman I met years ago when we both lived in Upstate New York. She was the coordinator of our local Mothers of Preschoolers chapter, in fact it was the very first year of our group, if I remember correctly. Right when the group was set to start, Carla learned that through her husband’s work, they were moving. I probably saw Carla for a total of 90 minutes and then she was gone. However, we share so many friends that I often hear updates.

My best friend told me that Carla was writing and doing similar things that I was. She encouraged me to look up Carla and I did. She took what was her life—a busy, sometimes frustrating, and always challenging way of living and made it a ministry. Now she’s releasing a book that is the first of its kind, at least the first I’ve ever seen. Her ministry and book encourage the person Carla is—and I am, even as I write this.

Married mom, single parent.

Say that again? Yes. Carla explains in her book Married Mom, Solo Parent that this is a real demographic that needs its own encouragement and resources. Whether your husband is serving in the military, travels a lot for work, has a crazy work schedule that keeps him preoccupied, or even home but obsessed with things like computer games, you remain at home, still married, but stepping up to take care of all parenting and household matters. The books out there for single parents are usually about divorce and that’s not Carla’s situation or mine. Her book is a breath of fresh air for moms in this special niche that so many didn’t see coming when they first married.

I confess, I didn’t finish the book yet because I am chin deep in a single parent season. My husband is a programmer and although he doesn’t travel a lot with this job, there are times that a demo is due and he has deadlines. Right now we are blessed to not only have work, but he is in a season where for the next few months he’ll be easily putting 70 hours in, if not more, for work. Do the math and you see someone has to be doing all the mom stuff plus handling all kid schedules. Lawn work. Trying really hard to master math homework when it is not my thing. Just those things that you typically tag team parent on.

It’s hard, it’s exhausting, and it’s lonely. When the husband returns to “normal” you have to hand back his role and that isn’t easy because you’ve done it so long. There are often hurt feelings and resentment, as hard as you try not to be. I remember as an early married/new mom wife when my husband told me he’d be out of state for our anniversary. I couldn’t hold back. I was furious.  My friends didn’t have this going on, and I wanted that two parent home where mom and dad are home every night eating dinner. I still don’t have that.

Thanks to Carla and the resources I’ve tapped into through her blog and writing, I’ve learned how to make the most of my situation. Her book was full of her own stories that mirrored mine in so many ways I realized tears were trickling down my cheek. Her “season” of married mom, solo parent is much longer than mine. She has a lot on her plate, more than I do. But she’s not just survived this kind of life, she’s thrived.

Thanks to her writing Married Mom, Solo Parent, you can thrive in your situation, too. I can’t say enough about how helpful, encouraging, and comforting her book is for me. I can’t wait to grab a few precious moments once my schedule eases up a bit to not just finish reading it, but read it again.

I hope you do the same. Your sanity, marriage, and children are worth it.

About the book:

For married women who feel like single parents.

 

Bookstore shelves are full of parenting resources for moms who are newly divorced or widowed. But where do moms turn if they feel like a single parent–but they’re not? Whether he is away on business, deployed in the military, or obsessing over a computer game, dad may not be available for a variety of reasons. Moms who parent in this situation still need help and don’t necessarily relate to the advice given in divorce recovery or single parenting resources.

Married Mom, Solo Parent is a common-sense, down-to-earth look at the struggles wives and mothers face when their husband is not actively involved in family life. Writing from her own experience as a married single mom, Carla Anne Coroy will help wives and mothers sort through their questions, such as: Can I do this alone? How do I raise kids to honor their father? How do I give my children a healthy perspective of marriage if they never see one in action? With practical suggestions, anecdotes, and biblical teaching, this book will encourage moms to see their position as a high calling, to find healing for their worries and frustrations, and to tap into God’s strength for help in facing the daily challenge of being a married mom, solo parent.

 

About Carla:

Carla Anne Coroy runs the Married Single Mom blog at www.carlaannecoroy.blogspot.com. She speaks regularly and serves as a staff writer for an online Christian women’s magazine Mentoring Moments for Christian Women. Carla Anne lives in Canada with her husband and four homeschooled children. For more information, visit www.carlaanne.com.

Buy the book

 

Come to an encouraging MomChat party on Facebook…you could win a KindleTouch! 

 

To celebrate the release of her new book Carla has partnered with her publisher, Kregel, to host a live MomChat party on Facebook! http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=177346262342482

 

The party will wrap up the blog tour (http://litfusegroup.com/blogtours/text/13420715) and Carla will be hosting an encouraging MomChat about all things mom and wife related. There will also be a fun contest and she’s giving away a KindleTouch and a ton of other fun stuff (books, gift certificates and more!).

 

So RSVP today and then come back on 10/25 at 5pm Pacific, 8pm Eastern for the party.

 

Don’t miss the fun … and tell your friends.

 

Button Code:

</b><a href=”http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=177346262342482“>  <img alt=”Coroy FB Party” src=”http://g.virbcdn.com/_f/files/resize_1024x1365/29/FileItem-134813-FBCoroybutton.gif” width=”170″ height=”150″ /> </a></div>

 

 

Blog tour schedule:  http://litfusegroup.com/blogtours/text/13420715)

 

I received this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.



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