World Mental Health Day: You’re Worth It

Yesterday was World Mental Health Day and I came across this at the bottom of my LinkedIn page. I know the Mess had … and my guess is it means I have messages.

But me and 2024? I feel like it’s been a green light for the hot mess express.

I’ve shared over the years that I’m unashamed to share that I have a hormonal imbalance. Where some women have PCOS, at the time my surgeon said I said the medical books because my “parts” were 5x the size of normal. I was in chronic pain, infertile, and the mood swings sent me to the bedroom to hide.

Finally, in my mid-thirties I realized depressed and moody wasn’t how I wanted to live. My hormones were in a free-for-all all between pregnancies, miscarriage, and early menopause because of stress. When I went to the doctor I begged for a hysterectomy. I got that the next year, but before we pulled the cord on it, he also recommended an antidepressant.

It saved my life.

When things were bad, I would envision walking to a medicine cabinet to do the worst. One time I did walk over. I packed a suitcase. But I stayed and suffered, not because of anything or anyone around me but because of hormones.

The antidepressant journey went very smoothly for me. I think the first medicine he tried worked, and it wasn’t long before we landed on the right dose.

I got my life back.

And then came Spring 2024.

I received a letter from insurance saying they would not cover that medicine. Out of pocket was thousands of dollars. They left me with a list of alternatives.

The doctor who originally prescribed said his office no longer does authorizations or works on rejections. I got the message that I’d need to visit a different doctor to get this figured out.

My primary listened to me and prescribed something different. He suggested a follow-up four months later.

It didn’t take long to discover that medicine was NOT for me. I was as anxious as when I didn’t take anything all those years ago. My mind raced at a speed that felt like an out-of-control Tilt-A-Whirl. I was weepy, starving, up a lot at night, and at times not just missing my parents, but wanting to join them. They are deceased.

I called the primary and he said it takes time.

I found a new doctor.

This week I was finally able to get in and he couldn’t believe I was prescribed what I was because it was nothing close to the original med that had worked so well. He felt I should go with what insurance was offering, and there were meds there that mirrored what I had been on. He prescribed that.

This week I’m coming off the one and starting on the other. It’s a ride to be sure, a little weepy and overwhelmed. Yet, I see hope. I’m not starving. I’m sleeping. My thoughts are back to normal speed.

When I was a kid there was a commercial for something and the tag line was “You’re worth it.” Here’s the deal: when it comes to pursuing healthy and legal means to be your best self, you are worth it. The last thing I wanted to do was find another doctor. I hate the phone and I’ve been exhausted all year.

There were few I felt I could go to and say hey, “I’m really struggling here.”But I had a very small tribe who knew and kept me in prayer Getting out of bed wasn’t too hard because I love my weird coffee I make. But many days this year all that kept me going was knowing I could be back in bed away from the noise, the stress, the overwhelm.

I’m writing this because I know I’m not alone even when my hormones make me feel that way sometimes. I pray you read this and realize you’re worth finding a solution. I am not advocating anything illegal so don’t think I’m giving you permission for that. Nor am I a fan of Big Pharma, quite the opposite, actually.. But I reached a point I needed something to fill the gap that was missing, and for me, the anti depressant was the answer.

This year as I struggled with no longer having the exact same one available, I read a couple of books that were lifesavers for me.

Untangle Your Emotions by Jennie Allen

Letting God Be Enough by Erica Wiiggenhorn.

I also love the Bible. The Psalms contain so much relatable content. Jeremiah? I get him. He was cruising right along and then BAM! Depression. His story is pretty cool.

So is yours. If you have any kind of mental health issue, don’t hide. Don’t isolate. Find support and a good doctor who will listen to you.