Fall Back and Find Me by Sarah Hanks
Fall Back and Find Me
My latest split-time novel, Fall Back and Find Me releases today, September 19th. This stand-alone novel is the second in the Sister in Arms collection, which features a secret female Civil War soldier in the historical storyline. (A Battle Worth Fighting was the first book in this collection.) While Willow’s story as a guerilla hunter in war-torn Missouri is fascinating in its own right, today I’m going to give you a behind-the-scenes glimpse into the modern-day protagonist’s story.
Amber Prichard is rocking her role as pastor’s wife and indispensable volunteer. She’s the first to show up at any church function and the last to leave. You know the type. Perhaps you are the type. She’s also an uber dedicated mom. Need someone to run the class party? Call Amber. She’s doing all the things and doing them well. Until chronic illness comes calling.
Here’s what the book’s back cover copy won’t tell you: Amber’s story is my own. Well, not exactly. This is fiction. I’m not Amber. She’s not me. But the feelings she goes through—the journey of the heart—I wrung that onto the page from my own soul.
Around nine years ago, I was living my best life as a children’s ministry director and mother of seven children when I started battling extreme fatigue. What the doctor initially thought was a thyroid problem didn’t improve with medication. For nearly a year, I worked with doctors to untangle the mystery of what was happening to me. Why could I barely get out of bed? Why did it hurt to lift my arms? What was with the chest pains? Then I began passing out.
A cardiologist finally solved the mystery. I had POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), a form of dysautonomia. My autonomic nervous system was malfunctioning. I saw a specialist who did a tilt torture test—oh, I mean a tilt table test—to confirm the diagnosis, and yes. Upon standing, my heartrate would skyrocket, and my blood pressure plummeted. Cue lightheadedness and a whole host of symptoms.
Here’s what I was told: this is a chronic condition that will never go away. It isn’t likely to get better. In fact, it may get worse. Drink lots of water. Eat salt. Wear compression socks. Try to exercise on a recumbent bike. This is your life now.
I was in my thirties and using a walker to get around.
This was my life now.
I was in my thirties and had a handicap parking tag.
This was my life now.
I never knew when I’d pass out next. I’d fainted at the grocery store, at church, in the driveway, at public functions. I’d fallen down the steps of my home. The only safe place was in my bed.
I went from being the woman who could do it all to being able to do nothing. I couldn’t work. Couldn’t care for my family. Couldn’t do.
So, who was I?
As Christians, we “know” that our identity isn’t wrapped up in how we perform. I knew that I wasn’t what I did or a job title. Everyone knows that, right? But the gap between knowing and knowing can be a chasm. For me, it took having all of the doing stripped away to settle into allowing myself to be loved as a child of God.
If you want to know more about that journey, read Fall Back and Find Me. I poured it all into Amber and onto the page.
It took seven years, but the Lord healed my body completely. I’m eternally grateful for the work He did. I can do all the things I couldn’t do in that hard, dark season. But I’m not sad I went through it, because before He healed my body, He healed my heart. To Him, that was even more important. I praise Him for His wisdom and tender care for me. He held my hand and walked me through the valley. He spoke words of love over me until I believed them.
I only had to fall back to find Him.
Sarah Hanks is an award-winning author of Christian fiction in both the contemporary and historical genres. After spending over a decade mostly writing and teaching Sunday school curricula for churches in her community, she finally jumped into writing fiction full-time. She and her husband have nine children of their own, a couple of whom seem to have inherited their mother’s love for playing with words and crafting stories. Though Sarah dreams of a cabin by the beach, the family lives jammed together in beautiful chaos near St. Louis, Missouri. She buys earplugs in bulk.
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