Fifty-Three and Me

As I age, I’m learning things that were NEVER in my radar in my younger years.

-That I would think twice about an event that starts at nine at night because I go to bed at ten.

-I not only can’t eat whatever I want, I don’t want to. It’s either too much, makes me too bloaty, too gassy…

-I have a lazy susan to store all my supplements.

-My youth was about watching 90210. Now the only thing about that zip code and my TV watching is if Beverly Hills is being profiled in a crime show. I can’t get enough of crime shows.

-Never would I have pictured myself enjoying hanging around teens at the age of 53.

But here I am.

Today I turn 53. To this day I remember receiving a card in college from my floor mates and one of the guys wrote, just think, nine more years and you’re 30. Thirty was over two decades ago.

Yet the 80’s seems like yesterday. I mean, I remember all the song lyrics.

But Bible verses? I struggle to recall exactly where to find them and recite word for word.

Ah, 53.

Menopause is living her best life in an effort to snuff out mine. Where the last couple years I’ve struggled with self-esteem and my changing body, I’m now in a place where my emotions chart like a graph. Up. Down. Sideways. I’ll start to cry and wonder what the heck is going on? I’m fine. Aren’t I? Yet I’m sobbing.

Or angry. Like get out of my way, don’t look at me, definitely don’t touch me ANGRY.

Or depressed. As in I miss my parents and I can’t wait to see Jesus why am I on this earth, I have no worth, I just want to go to my eternal home depressed.

Fun times.

But writing is my solace, right?

I thought it was.

But 53 is showing me the word for the year, shift, Writing hasn’t been gaining traction in lives changed, new readers, or sales of note. Last year I taught Hosea to our Sunday School class and felt alive. Now I’m going through Revelation and I love it. I think about it all the time?

Writing used to feel that way.

Speaking of shift, 53 differs from 52 in a few ways.

Tom is home working in our office full time.

Brian is moved out and married.

Hannah has graduated and attends college on line, but is active in a local college ministry.

Two grandsons are in kindergarten.

We have five grandchildren in Wisconsin.

We no longer have Ginger the cat, RIP.

We now have Milo the Beagle pup who aged me quickly.

Usually when I look ahead, I have a sense where things are going. Not so much with 53. At a prayer time a new friend noted they saw me in a canoe. The waters have been peaceful and sedentary for a long time. Not a lot of change. But suddenly the waters became rapid and I required an upgraded canoe and body armor. Things changed fast.

What are the changes? How will it take place? Where?

Time will tell.

For now, I’ll keep the routine I have for the pup, go to bed early, take my supplements and write as I feel I should.

And that’s 53 and me.