Re-Set: No Fooling!

I remember years and years ago I wanted to make a big change in my life, but I didn’t want to join the masses and make a resolution January 1. Nope, I went all rebel and decided to start January 10. I kept quiet about what I was doing for the most part, and I had great success in that season.

Fast forward to late February. I wasn’t feeling great, but I was functional. I decided it was time to see the doctor in hopes of getting a good antibiotic and knock what I knew was a sinus infection out of my system. Problem was, it didn’t knock out. The infection decided to invite bronchitis to join her and another illness to join the party and take residence.

I spent most of March sleeping, wanting to sleep, nodding off to sleep when I should not be. I had pain, pressure, swelling. I was hungry, I was really hungry, I couldn’t stand the sight or smell of food. There was back pain, headaches, severe temperature changes, loss of focus and a cliff drop when it came to how I’m used to handling my day. In the end, or what I surely hope is the end, I was on two antibiotics at once, for a total of three, plus an intense steroid regiment. A medicine I count on to balance hormones/menopause/mental health wasn’t used for a week. I’d not gone more than two days in the past because the effects had been so brutal.

But, it’s April. the meds are done and I feel better. Funny thing is, I don’t think back to normal is right, or even back to “my normal” is correct. On the way to church, I had this amazing feeling of God’s presence with me, and I started to get all teary. It’s hard to explain, but I call them downloads. I believe it’s God communicating with me through the comforting voice of the Holy Spirit, but, I can’t tell you that this voice has been audible as you and I would chat. But it’s the real deal to me, and this is what I felt the download was about.

1. Although God didn’t order the sick time, He allowed it. Not only was infirmity knocked out of me, I’ve lost a part of me. A layer. for those where this vocab makes sense, there was a fast refiner’s fire session where I shed my skin for God to reveal a deeper me in Him. A renewed purpose. A more intimate knowledge of who He is. Oh, it’s an eyelash worth in the universe, but it’s more than what I carried to His feet in January. that moment was so pure and precious to receive that, I would go through that experience again.

But I will be honest. Although bronchitis and sinus infection, etc…don’t sound that awful, I can’t tell you the toll it took. I can take pain. I walked around with ovaries 5x the size of normal for years. I was in labor and thought it was Braxton Hicks. I am not a fragile flower. The pain was challenging, and the mind struggle was dark, lonely, and real. Now that I heard this download, worth it.

• 2. I also received another download after watching a non-stop action movie where I was cheering and out of my seat. My husband and I love action movies and changed our rec room around a little to allow for a movie area. When the kids are gone we turn up the speakers and find a good action flick. I feel weird because I write romance, and I truly love the feminine heart I know God gave me.But. but.

I love, love, love a great chase scene, a la The Fast and Furious franchise.

I get emotional watching the Marvel movies. The justice. The unity. The utilizing of gifts to make the world a better place. Oh, I get so pumped by superhero movies.

Saturday, Tom introduced me to the most recent XXX Xander Cage movie from 2017. A few weeks ago he showed me the first one, a young person into extreme sports who the NSA recruits to shut down an evil plot. On paper, ridiculous. On the screen, I loved it. I loved the second one with Ice Cube and how everyone worked together. The third? I think bullets rang out for twenty minutes straight. The good guys were outnumbered, outgunned, and with their backs literally up against a wall. As an author, I tried to be one step ahead of the plot, and loved the action and suspense.

When all was said and done, I asked God why these movies have my heart and not the sweet romances>

Because I’m a warrior.

I don’t wear armor and I haven’t been in the military, but that answer from my Heavenly Father didn’t surprise me. He’s transformed me through the years not just to be more like His Son, but also to fight for the Kingdom of God and His people through the power of prayer. I have a feeling this time off was to prepare my heart and mind for what is next.

This much I know.

Today I push re-set.

I’m at or close to the highest weight I’ve known. Menopause has been cruel, and laying around exhausted not making good meals did no favors. I miss salads and am ready to get back to an eating lifestyle that has served me well when I obey. I miss working out. I’m still weak and have lost muscle, so it will be slow. The reset is happening.

There are superficial, cosmetic changes I plan to make. Little things to help me feel my best, so I can do my best.

There’s also the unknown. A lot of my prayer efforts and time are behind-the-scenes. I have a lot of undercover partners who are all hearing similar things. Breakthrough. Change in the atmosphere. Awakening. I feel so sensitive to these things now, and so passionate I need to re-set my prayer life because I am tired of the games. I am tired of the fake. And I’m a bit sassy about it, and that needs reigning in.

So, April. I refuse to be your fool. I know the unexpected could happen and the doctor might make me take more meds. I feel better and I’m believing I’m done with that. I know changes won’t be fast and immediate.

But this newly-minted 49 year old is ready to throw down and live well and free for the Kingdom of God.