Thankful Series: Day Seven (+#Giveaway News)
All this month I will be watching on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and my new subscribers for my monthly-0r-so newsletter. If you tag me @JulieArduini and tell me you’re #thankful or #juliearduinithankful, I’ll enter your name to win a copy of my fiction books. This includes Entrusted, Entangled, Engaged, You’re Beautiful and the boxed set of A Christmas to Remember (only available as eBook.)
If you live in the United States, you have the choice, if you are the one winner randomly chosen, of print (except A Christmas to Remember,) or eBook. If you are outside of the US, it is automatically eBook.
I’ll add your name once a day for each shout out I receive (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, plus one total entry if you are a new subscriber to my newsletter.) You may or may not receive confirmation from me for those entries, and my random draw is final. If winner doesn’t respond after 30 days, I will choose another. I’m thankful for you.
On the seventh day, there was rest. Okay, it’s not Sunday, but each of these thankful posts come as I feel I’m supposed to share. As I approached day seven, that’s what came to mind. Rest.
I wrote earlier that fear of what people thought held me back from writing for YEARS. Well, it also held me back from living.
When I hit 25, my health changed. I had always struggled hormonally once puberty started, but I was finally diagnosed with PCOS, polycystic ovaries. I had pelvic pain so chronic is hurt to walk. A surgery two years later explained why—my ovaries were five times what they should have been. As my surgeon so eloquently put, “No wonder you couldn’t walk. You were carrying around whoppers.”
My PCOS status messed me up for a long time. The pain made me feel defeated, especially as a newlywed. There was the infertility diagnosis hanging over my head. That label made me feel less than. Add unstable hormones and I was convinced I had to work twice as hard as anyone else to prove myself.
Even when it hurt.
Even though I was exhausted.
I remember right before the surgery to remove half of each ovary, we closed on our first house together. I was obsessed, absolutely laser-focused on the goal that not only would we be moved in, darn it, we were going to be settled before surgery. I had knick knacks out, the place was dusted, I had everything good to go in less than two weeks.
Looking back, I feel so sorry for that person.
I also feel bad for my husband.
I was driven by fear. I didn’t want anyone to help me because I didn’t want to accept I wasn’t able. So I accelerated the pain by overdoing it. I can’t think of one surgery where I was cleared on time by the doctor because I overdid it every single time.
Rest? I remember saying that was for the weak.
Now I’m 48 and I firmly believe the stress I put myself through, plus stress we had with a lot of sickness with our child accelerated my symptoms. I started menopause symptoms at 37 and had a full hysterectomy at 38. That surgeon found not only the toll PCOS took on me, but that all that time I’d battled endometreosis. Although mood wise I feel great 95% of the time with medicine and supplements, I’m tired.
I also have a healthy definition of who I am in Christ. As a daughter of the King (which any girl is if Jesus is a daily part of her life at her invitation,) striving just isn’t my plan anymore. I love when I can help people, but I’m finally smart enough to know when I can’t pull it off. I realize it’s okay to ask for help. Although it doesn’t happen often, if I had a bad night, if I don’t have meetings, I’ll go back to bed once everyone is on their way with their day.
Sundays? We have no shame at taking a nap.
Being okay with that is 20 plus years in the making. I hope if anyone else is struggling, you don’t take as long as I did.
I’m thankful for rest!
