You are Enough

As I mentioned before, believing I was captivating was a struggle for me most of my life. It still takes intentional thinking, especially as I battle harsher symptoms of menopause than peers. Beautiful is the last thing I feel most days.

I was lamenting my flaws when I felt two flashes to my past that cemented how I felt about myself, but something new popped up with those memories.

What I believe was an encouragement from my Heavenly Father, Our Creator, the One who created the oceans, birds, you, and me.

You are Enough.

The memories are ones I’ve forgotten, perhaps even blocked.

One was when I was getting a consult for my wisdom teeth. I needed all four out at the same time. I was a teen, driving age, maybe even out of high school. The surgeon had his light and instruments, looking around while my mouth was open. He turned to my mom and started explaining that he could fix some other things. Something about my jaw, and I think he even said something about my cheekbones. I don’t remember much, but I remember sitting there hearing all the things wrong with me. My mom’s reaction was definitely helpful. I remember her asking is there anything physically wrong with her? He said no, but that he could fix my look with these cosmetic changes.

I felt shame and so unworthy, two partners that already violated my head space as it was.

My mom said something to the effect that he was to do his job and nothing else. It was not his place to change what God gave me.

The second memory seems to negate the first, but I believe my mom was trying to indoctrinate me to the cool circle without spending money, something that seemed impossible in our small, corporate town. However, we were on vacation, camping, and someone a little older and definitely in the popular circle was with us. She never treated me less than, but I was certainly intimidated and inwardly questioned why she hung with me. My mom suggested one evening that this family member give me a makeover. My mom even commented I should wear more makeup than I do, something you don’t hear often from moms. But the two encouraged me to get a makeover, so I allowed it.

I think there might even be a picture in my albums somewhere, but I remember the oohs and ahhs.

But not from me.

I felt foreign and fake. I also felt the message was I wasn’t good enough without makeup. Without significant help. Just like the surgeon. I need change or fixing or additions to be acceptable.

Isn’t that what our TV commercials are hammering into your head, too?

There is a truth to it, but not the angle ad agencies are aiming for. I do need help. But not from procedures or products, although neither is sinful or wrong, it just never felt right for me.

I needed the love of Jesus.

Like I’ve mentioned, my visual was of God as this mean task-master, constantly shaking His head in disappointment. Jesus? He wasn’t even on my radar. The Holy Spirit? He was a tag-on in my rote prayers, but certainly not a part of my life. But as I struggled with anger and near zero self-worth, I was trying to fill that gap in my life with a lot of things. The only way to fill that gap? Knowing Jesus in a personal way. Accepting He is God’s Son who lived on Earth, sinless and misunderstood. Embracing the fact that He was beaten, spat on, and nailed to a cross for one reason. Loving you.

It took me decades to get to that last place. I could read it and believe it, but embrace that Jesus loved me? I’m His beloved? He finds me beautiful?

That took a lot of time, tears, Bible studies, prayer, counsel, and changing my mindset. I had to transform my thoughts. Exchange the lie for the truth.

You are enough is a truth we all need to embrace. I know you’re getting hit with the lie that you aren’t enough because look at our society. Addiction. Suicide. Bullying. Yes, wounded people wound people. I did my share. And like I said, commercials pound into us we need help, their product, to become worthy.

If you struggle with your looks, your worth, anything about you, I love how Max Lucado said it, “If God had a fridge, your picture would be on it.” He doesn’t make junk. You ARE enough. You are loved deeply in a way I can’t even define by your Creator. You are a treasure, even on your worst hair day, fat pants, triple chin selfie.

It’s time we rise up and live like the stunning creations we are. I am. You are.

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Here are some of the books I’ve read over the years that helped me overcome my anger, lack of self-worth, and much more:

Captivating, Stasi Eldredge

Believing God, Beth Moore

Uninvited, Lysa TerKeurst

Live Loved, Max Lucado

Battlefield of the Mind, Joyce Meyer

No More Faking Fine, Esther Fleece

Fervent, Priscilla Shirer