Hope for Children Who Seethe on Mother’s Day
Each year I try to blog on an aspect of motherhood that isn’t a traditional Mother’s Day message. Although I’ve lost a lot of content and could revisit these, I’ve blogged on single moms and women with infertility who struggle so much on Mother’s Day. Today I want to hold the hands and hug the children who don’t have good images when it comes to Mother’s Day because whether literally or figuratively, to these children, the moms weren’t there for them.
This isn’t pointing fingers because mine are busy pointing back at me. I wonder what damage my oldest might have incurred at the expense our youngest’s health issues and my having to take care of her had on him. So many doctors appointments, therapies, trips to stores to buy something that would help her in some way. He, the healthy one where academics were a natural, on the backburner. Oh, how I need to surrender the fears of that reality.
Maybe mom worked more than you wished, and as a child you couldn’t see the adult perspective. The water was about to be shut off. Mouths had to be fed.
Perhaps mom was a wonder woman to everyone around you, but you. A woman of faith who maybe counseled or taught children in a church background, and you were the one in the background. I’m wondering if she cried herself to sleep wondering how to balance it all, or, she was so deep into the routine she didn’t see her own child was missing her.
Let’s be real. There are moms who don’t know who Mrs. Cleaver is, and the hand they were dealt as kids wasn’t ideal. They didn’t have mentors or support to show them the ropes, so they followed the only thing they knew. And those hugs and cookies you prayed for never came your way. I know the statistics. There are women deep in the throes of alcoholism, prescription drugs, and gambling. There are relationships going on way out of bounds, and it takes two. One of those in an equation isn’t just a female, but perhaps a mom.
I honestly don’t know, but on my heart is a message to let you know, whether this was light years ago or just last week, you can’t control what your mom did or didn’t do.And it stinks. I like happy endings and white fences. But I’m in my 40’s and my mom and I are in the early stages of having those deep discussions to sort out expectations and reality, and our words are bathed in forgiveness and understanding. My mom didn’t have it easy as a child, nor as an adult. My growing up years weren’t perfect, and neither is my parenting.
We all have room to grow. And I’m not about to give you platitudes, true or not. But I want to give you hope.
Don’t spend Mother’s Day seething or plotting. Forget ignoring or chomping at the bit. That’s not a gift, and you’re better than giving a curse for a curse.
Let it go. For your sake. Not let her go, let the expectations go. Let go of the fact your mother did not meet your expectations. It does not excuse abuse or allow it, but it gives you the freedom to breathe in fresh, non-toxic air on Mother’s Day.
After surrendering expectations, is there a blessing you can give? Is there a kind word or deed you can give your mom that doesn’t feel like obligation? Maybe yes, maybe no. Is there a mom figure that you can thank for filling in gaps? Can you love on mother-in-law that embraced you tighter than the one who held you in your womb?
My guess is whatever might be going through your mind, or as I call it when God has my attention, that burning in the belly, it won’t end in a day. Most likely this is a process. The good news? The One who called you to it will see you through it. My circumstances aren’t the same, but I can attest to that fact. God never gave me a mission and wished me well with it. He was with me. He went before me. He was my rear guard. He was my all.
If you are a mom, I pray you have a blessed Mother’s Day and allow yourself some grace. Ask God to give you the strength to care for the children He created for you. And if you struggle with the past and how your mom raised you, surrender those expectations.
I’m praying for you.
Disclaimer: Please, if you were harmed in any way during your childhood, please see a Bible believing and living counselor or pastor. You are worth the healing.
