Character Confession: About Those Sticks and Stones

Saturday—Sleeping in, spending time with family, and oh right, Character Confession.

As you should know by now, I prefer to gain wisdom from the Bible. It’s also known as God’s Word. Speaking of His Word, I’m concerned about words. The Bible even says quite a bit about it. The verse I’m paying attention to mentions the tongue, which is where our words catapult out our mouths and into lives.

The tongue has the power of life and death…Proverbs 18:21a

Think about it. Nations have gone to war over words. Children cling to words and use what they hear back into the atmosphere. Marriages thrive on words, and they are terminal on them, too. We’re too careless with words. It’s usually the unfiltered sentences that spit like gunshots that do the most damage, and they are the times we didn’t even pay attention to what we said. Ever hear about a suicide because they felt so loved, comforted and with hope because of words spoken over them?

Perhaps the Bible isn’t your book yet (I am a woman of faith, after all). There are quotes and proverbs out there that demonstrate the same notion. Our words matter, and we should be careful in how we use them.

“If someone were to pay you 10 cents for every kind word you ever spoke and collect from you 5 cents for every unkind word, would you be rich or poor?” Unknown source, Power of Words.org

“Kind words can warm for three winters, while harsh words can chill even in the heat of summer.”
Chinese proverb

Even this early in the year I’m seeing the toll of words. I’ve been the executioner, I’ve been the ambushed. I’ve watched words transform faces from gloom to hope and from joy to despair. People trashed their dreams because someone uttered a few words, most likely from their own woundedness, and the cycle continues.

If you’re a person of authority or leadership, and that’s a wide swath to include parenting, mentoring and teaching, I’m going to keep you on your toes about words, but no one is harder on themselves about the causalities I’ve verbally created than me.

Our goal should be to build up, and not tear down.

The challenge for all of us, me included, is to prayerfully seek the truth about your words. Not what you think you’ve said, but what’s really come out of your mouth, mind, and pen. Oh I know the power of the written word, there was a day I was known as poison pen. Not building up with that kind of reputation.

Most likely, something is going to crop up to remind you the power of words, and it’s time to improve. Perhaps apologize. Stop when you feel that nudge warning you it’s happening again.

Have words severed your hope and ripped your insides? I’ve been there. I’ll be there again. What helps me heal faster is to know who I am, and Whose I am. I also apply the best definition of forgiveness I know:

Forgiveness is letting go of the fact the other person failed to meet your expectations.

I know with the words that I carried the most, there was never any malicious intent to harm me, they were just blurted out and I took them to heart. I know women who could grace magazines but spent nights sobbing, feeding on the words spoken over them. I’m not saying you need to confront the person, but go to the One who loves you most and is using this experience to grow you to a new place where you can use words to lift others, and pour it out. All out. Even if your words get messy, your Heavenly Father’s shoulders can take it. Forgive in the context above. Ask Him to help you.

And live free.

And if the most vile words about you are coming from your own mouth, don’t let that excuse you. It’s not right. Your words curse God’s beloved child and it needs to stop. Replace condemnation with truth. Again, the Bible is filled with who you are. Stop speaking the enemy’s language, it’s too basic for you anyway. Your place is in victory, and “word cursing” yourself puts you right in the embrace of the true defeated one. Talk about tearing down. Nothing good comes from that.

There are a few quotes/mantras out there that make me cringe. The biggie? That load of manure about sticks and stones. I think this quote captures the truth on that one.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours.” Eric Idle, Comedian, Power of Words.org.

I look forward to speaking good words in the days to come, and hearing your stories about how someone built you up. Thank you for being here today. Have an awesome weekend. Remember, you’re awesome and you matter, no matter what you’ve done or didn’t do.

 

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