Character Confession: Scared of Success
Afraid of success?
That’s crazy talk.
Or is it?
Years ago I knew God was asking me to surrender a volunteer position that I loved. It wasn’t because I grew an ego or was prideful, but He wanted me to break out of the comfort zone and trust Him for the next step.
I hemmed and hawed (how do you spell that, anyway?) and whined and complained.
A friend stopped me cold one day when she dared say what my problem was.
“You aren’t afraid of rejection. You are afraid of success.”
As I know it’s time to stop another activity I love so much to give more time to the call on my life, the same fears are resurfacing. When I surrendered that first time, it was crazy the favor God gave. People came to me asking if they could include my writing in their books. Within months I was invited to a book signing–as one of the authors. I couldn’t believe it. Still can’t.
But now that God has revealed a clearer piece of the puzzle called my life, the same fears resurface. And I guess more than rejection or success, it’s inadequacy. More than writing and trying to become published, which is a goal, He’s asking me to encourage women. With words help them find freedom in Christ through surrender. The biggest victories won’t be in what I believe will be the day I speak to a group and mention a merchandise table, it’s when I announce I’m done talking and ready to meet with anyone that would like to, for whatever.
I can see the lines. Normal, hurting, wonderful women who want to be loved.
And that I’ll be a vessel in that process?
Yep. I’m afraid.
Because these ladies are too worthy for me to mess up.
And the fear has been strong enough to make me stop what I’m doing to prolong the process.
Make sure I heard God right.
And He’s been consistent, showing me the same thing.
Even if what I’m seeing doesn’t come to pass, my job is still to trust and obey.
Even when I’m scared.
Can you say you’ve been afraid of success? Failing in success? Just knowing you’re being called to help, and you get how human you are?
