Isn’t World Menopause Day Every Day?

I learned that October 18 is World Menopause Day. As a woman, back in the day I wished more had been said about PMS. Then I longed to feel less alone about having a miscarriage. I think those topics are talked about more and carry less of a stigma. Menopause?

I think we have a long way to go.

Growing up I heard menopause was “the change.” What did that mean? I had no idea, but I knew you didn’t have “your monthly” anymore. Sounded good to me. It wasn’t something my mom was going to talk about, and as a young adult, I figured that was a long way off and besides, I was REALLY struggling with PMS and hormonal balance. Menopause was for another decade.

Turns out for me, that decade wasn’t that far off. I started showing symptoms at 37. I had anxiety through the roof. My mind raced. Thing was, it raced with thoughts yet I couldn’t form complete sentences. Remember what I was saying. Doing. I’d have keys in my hand and start to cry wondering where they were.

There were mood swings that mirrored the horrific episodes I suffered with as a young adult. I would have twenty minute “spells” where the walls seemed to close in and feelings of shame poured on me like a tsunami. I felt an intense need to isolate until it passed.

Thing was, I’d been down that road before and it got dark, fast. I had kids who could see and hear, and I didn’t want to live that way. I shared what was going on and what I was feeling. I let my family know I was going to go do my gyn to learn what I could do.

I have a great gyn who lets me vent and we talk options. He never pressures me. He prescribed an antidepressant and that really curbed the depression and anxiety, which at the time were the worst offenders. I did have rough cycles so we talked about a hysterectomy. I had severe PCOS, so that option was a welcome one for me. I was in pelvic pain much of the time. I decided to wait before going through with it.

Well, I waited a year. By 38, I was ready. I understand this isn’t everyone’s story, but to understand menopause if you’ve never known anything, at least I give you a starting point. If you are experiencing menopause by surgery, then we are surgery sisters and you won’t feel alone.

For me, the total hysterectomy was a great choice. The pelvic pain was gone and the huge mood swings were as well. I stayed on the medicine to keep anxiety at bay for hot flashes. Honestly, I had been at a volcanic temp since my first pregnancy, so I thought I’d skip hot flashes and my best life was finally before me.

And I did, until I was probably forty-five. My guess is perhaps this is when I was supposed to really go through menopause because that’s when the hot flashes showed up and stayed. They were so bad that my last license picture shows me in a full-blown flash. Red face. Like tomato red.

Then sleep. Oh, you sleep. But if you’re like me, you wake up. Every. single. hour.

Hunger. All. the. time.

The anxiety was back.

And weight gain. That’s been the hardest part. I long for what I used to think were my fat jeans.

It sounds like a death sentence, and I think without a plan, it would be. I decided I would not live this out in isolation, so if I’m struggling, I say so. If I need help, I ask for it. I realized that desire to be Wonder Woman who does it all alone isn’t quite accurate. I can accomplish a lot and be good at it because great people support and help me.

My doctor has been a huge help. We’ve had to adjust medicines. I also started seeing an endocrinologist who monitors my labs and we map out strategies. I’ve added a lot of supplements to help me. Those have helped regulate my sleep, manage the anxiety, brain fog, and racing mind.

The weight? Well, that’s extra complicated for me. I have insulin resistance so losing it is twice as hard. This past year has been beyond challenging with my mom’s illness and death. I ate the stress and grief, got sick, had an anxiety attack, and kept eating when I stopped moving. The endo is working with me on this as my lab results clearly showed my habits. I’m giving myself grace. This month I did bike pedals each weekday while I wait for the rec room to open up where my exercise equipment is. (My son is usually down there.) I still eat chocolate, but not the massive quantities I was building to. I added salad back into my life and started substituting less starchy things in meals. It’s going to take time.

If you’re facing menopause or love someone who does, I can’t say enough about authentic communication. Talk it out. Don’t isolate. Don’t settle for a doctor who isn’t making you the priority. Research. I didn’t list my supplements because I’m not a doctor and what works for me might not for you. Move, even when you don’t feel like it. Drink water when you can. I know, it’s not my favorite, but it’s helpful. I feel a lot less bloated when I choose water.

Menopause isn’t a curse or a season to dread. Anyone out there agree with me?