Ditching the Dye

Last month I shared a post about my vanity and low self-confidence in the outer beauty department. In that time frame that I saw our daughter adopting my terrible habit of avoiding pictures and hating what she saw in the mirror, God has been working on my heart. Sometimes with the bluntness of a sledgehammer, but always with love.

Like reminding me I’m HIS creation (as are you) and that He does NOT make junk. Every time I focus on how terrible I look, I’m telling God He makes crap. Not a good thing.

Well, another journey I’m on in that same department is my hair. A year or so ago I got tired of trying to straighten my thick, wavy hair and decided to go with what is called a Curly Girl Method. That took a little boldness because curly girls are not the norm. There’s something in society that wants everyone to blow those curls out and go straight. To work on juicy big curls isn’t something you see a lot, so people tend to notice.

While I’ve researched the CGM (Curly Girl Method,) I realized how much damage I’ve done with straighteners, silicones, sulfates, and hair color. My mom was gray at 16, I found my first at 25. When I met my now husband and he was considering our future, he remarked that seeing how young my mom looked showed him how I would look as we aged. I remember yelling her secret was Clairol. She has colored her hair as long as I can remember and she looks decades younger than her peers.

I noticed not too long ago when I colored my hair what used to work for 8 weeks has went from 6 to 4 to now 2 weeks. I quit salon coloring because I couldn’t justify the price for the short time the color stays. I tried to increase the color time at home and found what usually happened was too dark hair that at the same places, turned gray/white in the same two weeks.

It was at this time God was showing me my attitude, and I realized how authenticity is important to me. I want to be real with everyone I meet, and that usually is pretty overwhelming for people. Over the years God has healed me so much that there is little to no mask left when I greet others. For me, and this is my conviction and not a judgement on anyone else, I felt my constant hair coloring was not being authentic. That once again, in my case, the message I was telling God was He’s made junk when it comes to me.

So, I ditched the dye. At first, I was just too busy and tired to mess with it, especially knowing it would last less than a month. As two weeks plus went on and the usual hairline turned white’ish, I wasn’t horrified. My husband even remarked he wished I’d let it go. He finds gray hair sexy. Well, is he in for some eye popping.

A couple more weeks have sailed by and I mentioned to my stylist I might just let it go and see what happens. She explained a method to help transition, but honestly, it sounded like more chemicals that I really don’t want to mess with the curls I’m trying to nourish and hydrate. I even read a book about going gray by the founder of the CGM.

Then I found Instagram.

There is a movement called #ditchingthedye where women as young as 19 are finding grays and letting them come in. They aren’t doing anything but let nature take its course. These women have given me confidence and visual inspiration as they’ve been honest. 99% of the people they meet are NOT impressed. The transition process for some has taken 2 years, so there are different colors going on.

But when I look at their faces, I see a glow in them. I read their stories and they feel free and real in a way they said their color never gave them. They know they stand out and to others, perhaps for the right reason, but they feel bolder for trying.

I’m now probably 6 to 8 weeks without coloring. I have a terrible cowlick with my part so that sweet cowlick loves to bring a bigger attention to the changes. My hair remains thick, so often it wasn’t noticeable. Well, that’s starting to change. I see silver highlights. Even my daughter said, “Wow, you’re losing the red in your hair.”

I decided this was an opportunity to share with her. I explained that at least for now, I don’t feel that I’m supposed to color it. She was surprised, she’s heard me complain with the gray and that I have to run to the store. She’s seen her grandmother never have a white or gray hair showing. I explained what God was showing me about my recent attitude, and what I even saw in her that I knew was my false teaching. I told her I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure she knows God doesn’t make junk.

So, that’s where I am. I don’t know how long i’ll last, but I’m excited that I’ve gone this long. I like the highlights and sparkle the gray brings. It’s a process, though. I don’t know where things will look two months, six, or a year from now if I stay as is. The vanity must still be deep rooted because I had a dream that I ditched the dye, kept wearing glasses, didn’t lose any weight, AND was wearing braces. Yikes!

Anyway, I am the one who writes about surrender issues, and I know whatever I write in fiction, God’s going to work through it in my own life. I promised God I would write what He wants, when. Ditching the dye is my conviction, that doesn’t mean that’s the message God is putting on you, nor am I. But if you’re struggling with the lie that you’re junk because of hair or weight, I hope my posts encourage you. I get it, I do. But more importantly, God’s got you.