On the Other Side of Awful
I don’t think I met one person who said 2017 was a good year. For some, it was downright devastating. For us, we had our health, and blessings we don’t take for granted. However, the kids had harsh things to walk through that I knew was a “refiner’s fire.” Things they didn’t choose, that weren’t consequences of sin, that was to grow them.
It was awful.
It took me awhile to realize how hard their hurts impacted me. I became anxious, worried about their futures. I fought the temptation to jump in and take over, fix, and become what we joke is their “Beverly Goldberg.” As over-the-top the show is, I get why the mom from this show wants her kids close and their enemies closer. I get it.
This year things are already better than they were last year. Our daughter is in a healthy environment where she is believed in and cheered for, just as she is. Her smile is back, and she’s trying new things like student council and meeting new mentors through respite night opportunities.
Our son has a group of friends that he can laugh with and grow with that he has things in common with. His work is steady and he continues to have classes that are online, something that saves him gas money and allows him to be flexible in his schedule.
This year my word is abide, and that makes sense. As always, if it’s come up once, it’s come up a dozen times—the verse in John 15 about Jesus being the vine and we are the branches. Last year’s awful drove me to a new place in faith. The high school mentality I had about my faith wasn’t enough. I’d open a book long enough to get some reading in, and basically phone my time with the Lord in.
The other side of awful showed me how much I needed to cling to Jesus. Anxiety is a cruel thing, and I don’t like it on me or anyone I love. I find the more I stay close to that “Vine,” the fewer anxiety moments I have. I’m seeing things I was too distracted to before, and feel more sensitive to things I would never have noticed before.
The other side of awful gave our daughter the vision to want to help others who may have similar experiences as she did last year. She wants people to know they matter, and they are amazing treasures.
The other side of awful gave our son new opportunities and people to connect with. Without the painful circumstances, they wouldn’t carry the perspectives they do.
I knew motherhood would be full of sleepless nights, the need to establish boundaries while building them up in their love languages. That there would be repeating lessons as well as answers. I anticipated going to bed in tears out of exhaustion and fear I’d failed them. I never read a book or heard anyone warn me that as they grow older, their hurts would rock me to the core. So if you’re in that place, how I’d love to give you some chocolate and tissues.
I can say that it is a season. I believe for everything that was meant to destroy, we as a family were willing to learn from it and say yes to opportunities stemming from that time. Those broken places the kids had last year are catalysts to bring hope to others walking in similar situations.
The other side of awful is like seeing the sun peak out after a storm. Finding the clearing after being in a forest.
Whatever visual you have, it’s good. Good enough to press through with faith in the awful.
Chocolate optional.
