Saturday Confession: Permission Denied to Pee on My Fire

It’s morbid but for years I contemplated what I wanted on my tombstone before I started thinking about cremation (my mother-in-law was cremated.) I decided for all the wonderful quotes and attributes to be remembered by, “She believed God” was the most accurate.

Thanks to God using Beth Moore’s Believing God to absolutely change my life, I no longer just believed in God, I believed Him.

It hasn’t been without setbacks and people put in my path that I not so ladylike declare, “You don’t have permission to pee on my fire!” They said things out of honesty and love. But deep down, I think the foundation was fear.

And like Jon Acuff states in his latest book, Start, you have to punch fear in the face.

 

NEW: It’s a Saturday Confession!

But I almost forgot that.

We believe God has laid on our hearts to make a change. It’s less about a cosmetic neighborhood change for me than I think God has purpose for us in a new place. Will I be leading Bible studies in a new community? Will we host small groups in our new place? I don’t know. But right now, those things aren’t possible. We don’t have the room, not even to park.

We spent the summer cleaning, updating, and repairing. I prayerfully formed a team to specifically pray over the process. Although we have three repair projects left, we’re nearing the end. We asked for prayer regarding a realtor, and started holding “blind auditions” via attending open houses and a showing. We called one to visit us that we felt good about after reading the reviews online.

And she peed on our fire.

We get that we live close to an inner city, even though we are in the suburbs.

We know the area took a huge hit after the recession and is still in a slow recovery.

But she wasn’t done.

She said our street was the worst in the town. Given the age of the house, the repairs she didn’t hear us say several times we have scheduled or plan to, and her lack of being impressed over the new things we’ve added and replaced, she said something that all but took the fire out.

She pretty much said she wasn’t interested in listing the house. Oh, if we decide to use her she’d do it, but she actually suggested to not even hire an agent. The process would be so tough and impossible, we’d be better off selling it ourselves.

And for 24 hours, I drank her Kool-Aid.

• I forgot when doctors said I’d probably not be able to have biological children due to a severe case of PCOS, I had two. The first one came about before I finished the first round of fertility drugs. The second, no fertility drugs at all.

 

• I forgot when our baby was gray and near lifeless in a rural hospital waiting for a children’s hospital to stabilize and save her that a nurse walked by and suggested I start planning her funeral. I called on my prayer partners instead, they stormed the gates so hard and raw I could feel heaven and hell fighting. She was home within days. She is now 10.

 

• I forgot when we sold our home in Upstate NY we lived in one of the poorest, most rural counties in the state. Our home was a blessing thanks to previous owners who instead of having children built additions and added a barn and shed. The school district at the time had a poor reputation. The situation was so hopeless the realtor sat me down and told me I was blinded by grief and confusion. Six weeks later she came looking for her check, apologizing for not believing with me. The house didn’t just sell, the owner came by with cash and told us to name our closing date.

 

• I forgot when our daughter remained chronically ill and needed multi day therapies that insurance denied her treatments and we owed around $10,000. We believed God had a “total and complete victory” in store, but couldn’t figure out how. After three losing appeals I attended a service where the guest pastor (from a church called Victory, mind you) challenged us not to put God in a box. Trust Him. I ran to the altar in tears. When I arrived home I received a message and called back. The person felt I needed to know not to put God in a box, that I had to stop trying to define that total and complete victory and trust Him. And by the way, they felt God asked them to pay the bill in full. Total and complete victory.

 

• I forgot our son was struggling with peers and teachers who didn’t want to be there and morale wasn’t great. I challenged him to agree with me for the people to prosper elsewhere and for God to bring people who wanted to be there. In 2 weeks, every person we prayed for moved on.

 

• We were asked to pray by a woman who wanted to be a mom. There were challenges. I asked her if she was serious, because when we agreed in Jesus’ name together, God tends to move fast. She was pregnant right away and had no complications.

This isn’t my track record, it’s God’s, through faith. I’ve learned when He calls, He equips. That He takes us through the fire, not around it. 

I don’t know what the future holds, but we believe He’s asked us to trust Him to sell this home and find that “last home” where we can serve Him in the neighborhood, with each other, and with those that will grace the doors.

Let’s believe God together.

And don’t give permission for those living in fear to pee on your fire.

YOUR TURN!!!
I’d like to make this a weekly event. Share your confession, make sure it is one that encourages your readers, not embarrasses you or others. The goal is to visit the posts, feel uplifted, and realize we’re not alone. Link up below, and tell others. Let’s make this a huge thing!