How Would You Handle It? Fat Girl Edition
As promised, until I run out of questions, I’m taking Thursdays to ask you…
How would you handle it?
Leave a comment on how you would have handled this situation keeping in mind this is a family friendly blog. I’ll delete offensive, profane or mean spirited words. I absolutely am fine with difference of opinion. So have at it!
Our daughter is in general good health now but as a baby had chronic multiple issues. Since she’s been 3 months old, weight is one of them. We’ve been to a dietician and work with an endocronologist. We have seven plus years of files, appointments, therapies and oh yes…the comments.
I worked a decade with a certain segment of population, senior citizens. I learned so much from them, good…and bad. Every single time someone has had something to say about our daughter’s appearance it has been a stranger and a senior citizen.
I had one physically grab me and tell me I was killing my child. It was one of the top ten worst moments of my life. This person not only had no idea our whole story, she scared my other child. I will never forget.
This time around a frail looking woman in a walker stops me as I make sure my daughter and I give her plenty of space. She smiles and says “Oh your little girl reminds me of me at that age. I ate everything in sight.”
What do you say to that?
Me, I smiled and said nothing. Because this has happened so many times by women over the age of 70 that one day I’m afraid I’m going to just go off. I’ve even had people at church meet up with me in public and say oh you know her, she’s the mom to the fat girl.
So….how would you handle it?
One thing I can say, I’m a huge advocate for invisible illness loved ones. Forgive me for the times I sized up a situation with zero information.
I look forward to your comments.
As a fat little girl I sympathize with your little diva! as a mom i sympathize with you. Being a heavy girl is hard enough without people making horrible, rude and unwarranted comments. People assume that the only reason people can be overweight is because they eat too much and do too little activity. The reality is as i well know today you can be overweight from many MANY medical conditions as well as the many many medications they use to treat said medical conditions. As a mom I want to tell you to tell these people to shove it… Read more »
As a fellow “fat girl” I am always astonished at the complete lack of couth some people have. Especially when they don’t understand the underlying health issues that have caused the weight. I’m so frustrated with people giving their 2 cents when it isn’t necessary. When has my weight become your business? How about everyone just extend grace and accept that fact that we are ignorant of the “full story”.
Trista, you are a perfect blend of me and my husband. I’ve struggled with weight my entire life, much of it endocrine related as well, and people were so mean. Yet I’m a reforming people pleaser so I tend to take the smile and ignore them route while Tom pretty much tells them to shove it in Jesus’ name. 🙂 The praise is that God has protected her, she has yet to even hear the comments and when people look at her, she gives them a look like the problem is theirs, not hers. That blesses me that God would… Read more »
Holly, I had a different doctor years ago look at my stick thin son and my daughter and ask if I ever got comments and of course I start to cry. He told me to let it roll off because he has twins who have the same situation where one had multiple health issues and medications and the weight difference between the two was vast. He said for whatever reason strangers targeted his wife when he would step away. One person even looked at the chronically ill twin who was developmentally delayed and asked the mom is she dropped that… Read more »
As a fellow “people pleaser” who is also quite outspoken at times, I might take the opportunity to try and “educate”. For example “Thanks for your concern but in the future, you may want to consider the larger picture before judging. There are many children who are overweight for reasons other than overeating or parents that don’t care. We are so proud of the bright and sweet little girl that God gave us. You should see her dance!” You may save a future mother from heartache. On the other hand, I have had more than one person glare at me… Read more »
First of all Julie, your daughter is a beautiful little girl. She has the most angelic little face.. I love her smile and she reminds me of what it felt like to be a child.. to be pure in heart and innocent. She is precious. And you are an awesome mom. When I see Hannah, I see a child who is loved, cared for, and happy. You are doing everything a good parent does my friend.. Second, I feel that our age does not give us license to insult children.. If anything age should lend itself to a greater sense… Read more »
Hey Julie, this post really hits home for me. Insensitivity – funny, because I probably would have been judgmental too. It took Muscular Dystrophy to open my eyes to others pain and anguish. Some people will not show compassion or mercy on other’s (I don’t think necessarily they’re being intentionally mean-some are. They lack empathy and understanding). Many people out there are like Job’s buddies – I know firsthand how it’s so hard not to freak out and attack them for saying stupid stuff. Shallowness runs rampant. Pray for them. God says He will take vengance. I think God may… Read more »
I have an adopted daughter who clearly is a different race than me. I also belong to several groups where we have discussed the various inappropriate comments people make and how to handle them. To sum up the advice I have gotten from there: See if you can determine if the person is genuinely interested in knowing more about you and your child. If they are, then explain the situation. If they are just saying the first thing that pops into their head (most often the case), then give them a response you are comfortable with. The smile and walk… Read more »
(Sorry hit the tab button and posted before I was finished.. ) So I want to say that as children we do not know that it is unhealthy to eat m&m’s for dinner. We don’t know that living on carrots and tomato juice is going to turn our skin orange and we probably don’t know that broccoli actually tastes good. What we know as children is is that we are loved or we are not loved. As children, we sense that we’re hungry and we know when we’re full. And we play hard and spend a lot of time running… Read more »
I’m teasing you so bad but tune in here tomorrow. I’m hosting Fiction Friday and I have a story I wrote based on the grocery store incident, I just wrote it from what would have been Brian’s point of view. It’s called “No Idea.”
Mom still tells me about the time I had a birthday crown with the number 6 on it and a lady at McDonalds wished me a happy birthday and I snarled at her “How do you know it’s my birthday?” I’m sure my mom ran away!
Lori, I appreciate you sharing, I remember your book and how you shared that your broken place with MD opened your eyes to so much you would not have otherwise seen. You’re absolutely right, it is training ground if I allow it. Sometimes I’m a more willing student than others! Thanks again!
Bev,
That’s a very wise answer! I have here tomorrow a story I wrote based on one of my experiences. Come back and see what I did, it was very close to what you do. Thank you so much for sharing, I appreciate you reading.
I really, really appreciate the transparency you shared here. I know you “in real life” to know you use that broken place to empower girls in knowing exactly what you shared here. My daughter is proof of your service, she thinks she is a queen after spending time with you. You are an amazing woman of God and He is only just started using you!
I remember that story! I thought about it as I replied…actually, your response in the story is great! Haha…you don’t get to tease me this time! LOL
I love everything that everyone has said here. So much wisdom! Like you, I would probably just smile and go on my way, wounded and a little angry, hoping I would not “blow my top” at the next person to make such an insensitive comment. Your little girl is such a beautiful picture of self-confidence and joy. If only we could learn to take that from her; to be so radiantly full of love that it just exudes from her. You can see it in her picture. If we know we are loved and adored by our heavenly Father, we… Read more »
Thanks Cheri, I completely agree. It’s been your steady wisdom that has helped me through the years as people have said those kind of things to our youngest. Appreciate and love you.
I admire your patience! I would have snapped really.
The “your killing your child” person needs putting down!