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14

Marriage Monday: The Lie Called Nothing

Posted by Julie on March 7, 2011 in About Me, encouragement, Julie Arduini, Life Lessons, surrender |

It’s Marriage Monday! Here is an invite from e-Mom:

Please accept my invitation to join us for Marriage Monday on March 7, 2011.
Our Topic for March is “Trust”

As always, you have all the freedom you need to cover the subject matter in whatever way you want. You can post prose, a bulleted list, a video, a slideshow, a poem, or a song—whatever the Spirit leads you to share with us. You’re the expert, and we’re counting on you to teach us a few new things to apply to our own marriages.
Blessings,

e-Mom @ Chrysalis

http://chrysaliscafe.com
http://facebook.com/ChrysalisCafe


My Story:
It was probably Fall 1995, less than a year from our August 1996 wedding. Although I knew Tom’s family well, Tom himself came into my life with a bang. When God decided it was time for us to meet, it was fast. We were engaged three months to the day he asked me to be his girlfriend.

I was a fairly new Christian not yet dealing with wounds I’d let penetrate my heart. Even the pure and true love Tom was pledging wasn’t enough to take down the walls around my heart I erected.

So when he asked what was wrong, I said nothing.

Over.

And over.

And over.

Right up until the morning we met but needed to drive to church separate. He asked one more time what was wrong. I gave my standard answer, burdened by the lie we both knew I was telling.

And in our stress….we both backed into each other’s vehicles.

The fender bender was minor but the internal damage felt a total loss. Tom took that as a last straw knowing I wasn’t being truthful and the pressure led us both to hit something so obvious and visible. He was hurt and shut down just when I panicked enough to decide it was time to start talking.

It took nearly a week before we had communication. I had no idea if the wedding was still on and if I could get over the guilt that I allowed my fears to kill something so good before it even really started. When he finally approached me I learned how essential communication is. And if you can’t be honest with your spouse in the small things, you aren’t going to do well with the covenant called marriage.

Learn from my mistakes. If you’re dealing with fears or hurt, communicate them. Don’t think you can handle it yourself. Find a pastor or counselor with a Biblical foundation to speak to. I can’t say enough about the John and Stasi Eldredge book, Captivating.

And may your marriage be blessed.

You deserve it!

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14 Comments

  • Communicating in the small things, to be able to navigate the bigger things. Great insight in what you learned from that *accident*. Thank you for sharing your story!

  • Lynn says:

    I loved this story and it filled my heart. Another fantastic story all young and perhaps not so young, wives should read. Hugging you and happy Monday.

  • e-Mom says:

    You started your honest communication with a true bang! An amazing story, Julie! Your Tom sounds like such a wonderful guy… no wonder you finally let the walls around your heart come down.

    Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday today, as always.

    ((Hugs)) e-Mom ღ

  • nice A says:

    Communication is indeed the key to trust. It is a skill that needs to be learned by many couples. The case in my story needs it so I can be more confident with my counseling as this kind of thing (counseling) is so remote in our culture (generally Asian culture). I don’t even know any counseling office or agency to recommend when I get some friends whom I think need professional help. Probably, it’s because Asians do not usually open up themselves especially their problems to other people except to their few trusted ones. So I feel I am tasked of reaching out many of those who are struggling, hurting and discouraged with their relationships who may not know of any counselor. I also feel that I need to be equipped all the more as more and more friends open up their relational problems to me. And most of their conflicts arise from the inability to communicate. Reading your very sensible posts help me a lot with my ministry. Thanks a lot.
    May God bless you always, Julie.

  • Oh yeah, right on! COMMUNICATE about it all! I so agree and isn’t it always the way, the closed up hurt one finally opens and the other is hurt enough to shut down… oh hurt is hard on trust.

  • tonya says:

    Our engagement was fast, too. It took me time before I could share many things with my husband. So I really understood your post. Captivating was the first book that I LOVED when it came to Christian women. We just finished Love and War by them and it was awesome.
    thanks for sharing,
    tonya

  • Sadmoment says:

    I don’t even know any counseling office or agency to recommend when I get some friends whom I think need professional help. Probably, it’s because Asians do not usually open up themselves especially their problems to other people except to their few trusted ones.

  • Myrna says:

    nice post thanks for the ideas that u given to us I get some friends whom I think need professional help. Probably, it’s because Asians do not usually open up themselves especially their problems to other people except to their few trusted ones.

  • Unfaithful says:

    I wasn’t being truthful and the pressure led us both to hit something so obvious and visible. He was hurt and shut down just when I panicked enough to decide it was time to start talking…thanks for this post.

  • Beverly says:

    I also feel that I need to be equipped all the more as more and more friends open up their relational problems to me. thanks for sharing. this to us

  • wind0506 says:

    I think need professional help. Probably, it’s because Asians do not usually open up themselves especially their problems to other people except to their few trusted ones. | 😛

  • malunggay56 says:

    Nice post thanks for the ideas that u given to us I get some friends whom I think need professional help. | 😛

  • ducati56 says:

    I also feel that I need to be equipped all the more as more and more friends open up their relational problems to me. thanks for sharing. this to us.

  • Gladeexa says:

    Lesson learned, communication really is very important.. Thanks for sharing this great blog!

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